My broken ankle, my patience teacher
Sometimes, most often than not, we only learn when we fall, when we hurt, when things get so fucked up we’ve no other choice but to cope – wisely! – with them.
I needed to literally fall to learn what I needed. To learn what I already knew, but could not admit to myself.
On the 7th of October I went to a bouldering hall. I was supposed to buy some second hand espadrilles from someone there and let’s try them out, why not?. The next day I was going to a rock climbing event …but little did I know another, larger event, was about to occur.
I had never tried bouldering in my life before that. So my friend and I decided to go on the kids’ track because what the fuck, it’s easy peasy. I climbed about 2m, and simply fell – without the luxury of that millisecond of awareness before the fall, in which you have a chance of falling the right way. I kinda trickled down, hit my ankle on one of the grips and then landed on a wobbly foot, that bended underneath me. A bit nasty.
Long story short, I got to the hospital, learned that it wasn’t a mere ankle twist, but a trimalleolar fracture – and it definitely needed operation. After 6 days in the hospital, a 3 hour long operation, 10 nails and a plate, here’s what the leg has been teaching me so far
1. There’s no good or bad thing or situation.
Every seemingly bad situation brings about positive aspects, you just have to keep your eyes open and set your mind on acceptance.
What’s so positive about a fucked up ankle? Getting to sleep as much as I need (and it seems I do, days of 12 hours of sleep have been more than welcomed). Reading what I’ve been hoarding for months on end. Watching awesome films. Writing about my experience. Editing my photographs and learning that a bunch of them are quite good. Collaborating with dear people.
Basically, everything just is. Positive. Negative. Depends on how you adjust your lens on your life.
2. When your physical body is hurt, your spiritual body develops.
Cause it’s only then that you allow it the time. Plus, it comes to the rescue, it becomes your strength, your pillar. And if you’re open to see it, it will ultimately heal the broken body.
I am more at peace with myself than I’ve been for years. There are still lower days and higher days. They go, I observe them, I choose how much I interact with them, they pass. It’s easier than I thought.
3. For better or for worse is the foundation of solid friendship.
It’s not related to marriage, but to friendship. To the deep, loving, profound friendship (that of course should also be the basis of marriage). So yeah, after a bad time you know who the friends are, who the pals are…and how articulate and „healthy-spined” people around you are.
4. Sufferance, even in small amounts, binds people.
And so does outrageous fun. But what’s truly great is to keep to those binds even in between such extremes, in day to day life. Just lend a caring ear, hug, let people know how you appreciate them.
5. Don’t wait to get hurt to take some time to ponder upon your life and where you want to gear it further
Just take the time to sit and ponder. At the first signs of discontent, of mental unrest, of just not liking where you are or what you do, take some „ill time”, get some quiet mental space and observe yourself.
This time has really helped me see what I don’t want anymore and what I do, and I am already taking steps on the path I like
I used to be – or still am – so agitated, so impatient. Always looking what to do, always trying to occupy my inner space with external stimuli. I really did not enjoy my own company. I did not enjoy moments of not doing anything. It doesn’t mean I’m not active, not explorative, not curious. But I’ve learned, I’m still learning not to force it.
Be patient and when the time is „right” (aka – when you are ready) you’ll be able to walk again, to dance again, to do everything you love.